I have been thinking a great deal lately about the parallels between religion (in the negative sense of the word) and pornography.
First a bit of clarification. By "religion" I do not mean a truly intimate and meaningful relationship with God. Instead, I am referring to the area of human activity in which people attempt to take control over the spiritual part of their lives. They do so by building an elaborate system consisting of rules, rituals and forms, and creating in their minds the illusion that they have obtained favor with God as a result compliance with that system.
I use the term "system" with precision as well. In my thought process, a system is a form of human activity in which the system seeks to perpetuate its existence at the expense of the individuals who are a part of the system. The classic example of a system in a modern nation, such as the United States. The United States is perfectly willing to sacrifice a member of that system in pursuit of the betterment of the system, for example in war. We are taught as members of this system to honor such sacrifices. Thus, the system seeks to perpetuate itself. This is the essence of what systems do.
Back to the parallels of religion and pornography. I have lots of experience with pornography having been addicted to porn at points in my life. I got a handle on porn was when I saw it for what it is: Pornography takes something precious, something intimate, and something relational, and turns it into a product, something to be bought and sold.
This is precisely what religion does as well. What pornography does with sex and a relationship with a woman, religion does with a relationship with God. Religion seeks to take the deeply felt need that we have to feel love from our Creator and makes it a profit center.
There are several other parallels as well. For example, both pornography and religion are all about being in control. When a man has sex with his wife, it is not something he can directly control. Can he perform? Will she respond? He actually does not know. For many men, this can be quite intimidating. It takes courage and transparency to do that. Dr. Ruth Westheimer has identified this as a major factor in the growth of the porn industry. It is simply safer and easier for a man to masturbate to pornography than to engage in sex with an actual woman.
Likewise, religion allows one to have a measure of control over what is essentially an unequal relationship: You with the creator of the universe, who is also a very complicated, inscrutable and somewhat mysterious person. No wonder many of us find it so intimidating. Having a way of getting a handle on this is just what the doctor ordered. We do not have to worry about our adequacy or worthiness. That is all taken care of by the religious system.
Further, both pornography and religion involve having an intermediary. In the case of the porn it is the pornographer who selects and pays the woman to perform for you in a way that you find pleasing and stimulating. A minister in a religious setting performs a similar function, especially in religions (as I said at the beginning of this post) which are guilt based and rules-oriented. I get to have someone tell me what I need to do in order to be in a right relationship with God. As long as I do so, I get to be OK.
Both pornography and religion are highly addictive. Both produce an emotional high which one becomes deeply dependent upon. In the case of pornography, this is fairly obvious. In the case of religion, it is a seldom acknowledged undertone, except for the truly cynical and manipulative ministers at the edge of religion. In one Texas Monthly magazine, for example, I read about Robert Tilton who would work his audience into what he referred to as a "spiritual lather" prior to taking up the offering.
Both pornography and religion create unrealistic expectations. In the case of pornography, you fantasize and have virtual sex with a partner that you could not possibly hope to attract in real life. She is completely outside your league in terms of age and physical attractiveness. After a while, you begin to believe that you deserve this. In the case of religion, you become more a man of God than you conceivably could justify in your real life. The most common form of delusion in this arena is to ascribe miraculous powers to yourself. Once you begin to believe that you have words of knowledge, gifts of healing and the like, you are truly in the realm of religious addiction. (Note that I do not discount genuine spiritual gifts which I believe can occur, but do so in an atmosphere of humility and brokenness. When spiritual gifts are accompanied by spiritual pride, however, that leads to the deepest state of unconsciousness and dysfunction that I know of. I include myself in this. Believe me, I have personally experienced this state.)
Finally, both pornography and religion produce the same end result: Alienation. In the case of pornography, once you have become addicted to porn, you no longer want to have anything to do with your mate: She no longer satisfies you. You are effectively cut off from that form of contact with you. Religion also cuts you off from a true and intimate relationship with God. Once you have settled for the form of Godliness, you no longer desire the reality. Again, it no longer satisfies. Your relationship with God could not come close to the thrilling, wonderful experience that you have every week in your religious system.
My prayer for myself and for others is for us to put away our religious systems and come into a true intimate relationship with God. I have personally been severely damaged by religion. I have no desire to continue in that realm.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday, May 19, 2008
My Spiritual Journey
For those familiar with my health blog, you know something about my journey regarding nutrition, fasting, exercise and the like. This blog has a bit of a different twist.
As I have struggled with my health and moved into areas like yoga, I find myself changing rapidly in the area of spiritual matters. This is causing a radical shift in my life to take place. This shift and its impact on my life is the subject of this blog.
First a bit of history.
I was raised by a radical atheist and a closet Christian. My father was the atheist. He was rabidly bigoted concerning anything which smacked of spiritualism. His parents (my paternal grandparents) had prayed for another child late in life, and then along came my father: The miracle baby! He was dedicated to the ministry from birth. (Both of my father's parents were hardshell Southern Baptists.)
During his adolescence, he rebelled. He became the early 1950s equivalent of a Hell's Angel, riding around on a motorcycle, wearing a black leather jacket and all that. He also became somewhat notorious around his home town. Eventually, folks did not want to have much to do with him. He was estranged from his family and all of their friends due to his rejection of the Baptist religion. He probably would have ended up in prison or worse had things continued to progress in that manner. Instead, World War II interrupted that process, and he enlisted into the United States Army at the age of sixteen, lying about his age.
Two years before that, at the age of fourteen, he had met my mother. She was seven at that time. Amazingly, within a few minutes they had decided that they were going to get married someday. (Today, this would be considered extremely creepy.) Seven years later, when my father was 21, having been released from the Army, and my mother was fourteen, they did in fact get married.
(You would think from this story that my father would have had some kind of spiritual awakening. I mean, how can you not believe in God with a story like that? But it never affected him in that way. Not until much later in his life. More on that later.)
My mother had been brought up in an environment of crushing poverty. She and her family nearly starved to death during the Great Depression. Further, her father was a notorious criminal who was killed in a shoot out in Houston after escaping from Huntsville prison. This happened when my mother was only several months old. Her mother had remarried a rough, hard drinking, violently abusive man. I never determined if he sexually abused my mother, but it would not surprise me. I am sure that he was very physically violent both to my mother and grandmother. Although she never spoke of it, the effects of the insecurity in her life, both physically and emotionally, left deep scars that she never overcame. My mother was very mentally ill her entire life. She was also in thrall to my father who duplicated her own stepfather in many respects.
During my entire childhood, my mother tried to provide some spiritual influence on me, offsetting the influence of my father. This was very difficult for him, as he was completely bigoted concerning spiritual matters. (He considered all ministers to be closet homosexuals.)
Her marriage to my father was thus no picnic either. They both did obtain a college education as a result of my father's GI bill benefits. (My father benefiting directly, and my mother being able to attend from the additional income my father received, plus supplemental income.) Thus, both of my parents escaped from the cycle of poverty and ignorance that had kept their families in prison for generations. I am a result of that liberation. However, they never were able to transcend their upbringing during the Great Depression and World War II which continued to haunt their spiritual and emotional lives. My father was abusive and violent, and my mother was a silent victim.
I say all of this to lay the foundation for where I began: I was an atheist like my father. I bought into the example he gave me. I was living for myself, living for the moment, and for my own pleasure. Just like my father did.
I remember when my mother first took me to church. This was, of course, a Southern Baptist church, and they were having a revival. They had a couple who were from the Philippines. They were missionaries to the United States, and preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to us poor lost souls in America. My mother full expected me to "get saved" as result of hearing this message.
They told me the good news: I was a sinner. I needed to die to myself. If I would receive Jesus Christ, then the person I was would die, and Jesus would be born anew inside of me. Then He would live out his life through me.
I said: "Screw that! I don't want to die! I want to live my life! I want to be myself, not this Jesus guy!"
This was, of course, the self inside of me, crying out for its own way. This was step one in the spiritual journey. I lived as a young man in a state of complete carnality, following in my father's footsteps so to speak. I lived entirely for myself. Since I had been endowed with significant intellectual gifts, I exploited those to my advantage.
I attended Duke University where I was lonely and depressed for the first time in my life. At that point, I encountered the practice of Transcendental Meditation, as taught by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Seeking for some measure of peace, I did become initiated into the practice of TM, receiving my mantra. My family reacted with total disdain. I was the object of ridicule and scorn as result of this decision. That experience did have an effect on my though. I found meditation to be very relaxing and peaceful. Nonetheless, I stopped meditating regularly, although I continued to do so occasionally for the rest of my life.
My first marriage resulted in a child who was diagnosed as autistic when she was four years old. That was the first hit to my carnal self's hard shell. Partly as a result of the influence of my first wife, I began to attend the Anglican church. I was still completely selfish, though. I simply wanted to find a way to stop my pain, but I did not know of anything outside myself to help me do so. For me, the church was just a social club.
The pain I felt about my daughter's condition was overwhelming though, and I began to break down. I had several near nervous breakdown experiences, and eventually my marriage failed. During this time, I encountered the practice of self-hypnosis and biofeedback, which I incorporated into my life. This was a result of receiving training in pain management at a major teaching hospital in Dallas, Texas. I began to use self-hypnosis to help with my emotional pain, sleep, and the like. Again, I began having transcendent spiritual experiences. One night, when I was completely unable to sleep, I went into a hypnotic meditative state where I remained all night. The next day, although I had had no sleep at all, I was amazingly aware. It was like reality was a sparkling liquid that I was swimming in.
After I remarried and moved to Lockhart, Texas, I had two shocks very quickly: My sister committed suicide, and I was fired from my job. These events happened within the same week. That was a pretty rough week I can tell you. The loss of my sister, the member of my family that I was most close to, was mixed with guilt over what I could have done to help with her situation, anger at her for her violent, self-destructive decision, anger at my father who I judged to be responsible for her death, and many other emotions. My being fired was a result of my own arrogance and stupidity. That was a major humbling experience. The effect of these events was to weaken my self and make me more open to spiritual influences.
That came shortly thereafter when I was hired by Delhi Pipeline in Dallas, Texas. A man named Frank Allen spoke at a company event I attended. He gave his testimony concerning Jesus Christ before his discussion of natural gas regulation. I was completely offended.
Two days later, Frank invited me into his office and challenged me to an intellectual game. His invitation was simple: "Now Jeff, you are smarter than I am. I know that and you know that. But, I can beat you."
He had me.
Over the next few months, Frank and I spent a lot of time together. He had me examine the Bible. He asked me challenging questions and I searched for the answers. Frank had launched me on a spiritual quest.
In my next post I will explain the next step in my spiritual journey, and where that led me.
As I have struggled with my health and moved into areas like yoga, I find myself changing rapidly in the area of spiritual matters. This is causing a radical shift in my life to take place. This shift and its impact on my life is the subject of this blog.
First a bit of history.
I was raised by a radical atheist and a closet Christian. My father was the atheist. He was rabidly bigoted concerning anything which smacked of spiritualism. His parents (my paternal grandparents) had prayed for another child late in life, and then along came my father: The miracle baby! He was dedicated to the ministry from birth. (Both of my father's parents were hardshell Southern Baptists.)
During his adolescence, he rebelled. He became the early 1950s equivalent of a Hell's Angel, riding around on a motorcycle, wearing a black leather jacket and all that. He also became somewhat notorious around his home town. Eventually, folks did not want to have much to do with him. He was estranged from his family and all of their friends due to his rejection of the Baptist religion. He probably would have ended up in prison or worse had things continued to progress in that manner. Instead, World War II interrupted that process, and he enlisted into the United States Army at the age of sixteen, lying about his age.
Two years before that, at the age of fourteen, he had met my mother. She was seven at that time. Amazingly, within a few minutes they had decided that they were going to get married someday. (Today, this would be considered extremely creepy.) Seven years later, when my father was 21, having been released from the Army, and my mother was fourteen, they did in fact get married.
(You would think from this story that my father would have had some kind of spiritual awakening. I mean, how can you not believe in God with a story like that? But it never affected him in that way. Not until much later in his life. More on that later.)
My mother had been brought up in an environment of crushing poverty. She and her family nearly starved to death during the Great Depression. Further, her father was a notorious criminal who was killed in a shoot out in Houston after escaping from Huntsville prison. This happened when my mother was only several months old. Her mother had remarried a rough, hard drinking, violently abusive man. I never determined if he sexually abused my mother, but it would not surprise me. I am sure that he was very physically violent both to my mother and grandmother. Although she never spoke of it, the effects of the insecurity in her life, both physically and emotionally, left deep scars that she never overcame. My mother was very mentally ill her entire life. She was also in thrall to my father who duplicated her own stepfather in many respects.
During my entire childhood, my mother tried to provide some spiritual influence on me, offsetting the influence of my father. This was very difficult for him, as he was completely bigoted concerning spiritual matters. (He considered all ministers to be closet homosexuals.)
Her marriage to my father was thus no picnic either. They both did obtain a college education as a result of my father's GI bill benefits. (My father benefiting directly, and my mother being able to attend from the additional income my father received, plus supplemental income.) Thus, both of my parents escaped from the cycle of poverty and ignorance that had kept their families in prison for generations. I am a result of that liberation. However, they never were able to transcend their upbringing during the Great Depression and World War II which continued to haunt their spiritual and emotional lives. My father was abusive and violent, and my mother was a silent victim.
I say all of this to lay the foundation for where I began: I was an atheist like my father. I bought into the example he gave me. I was living for myself, living for the moment, and for my own pleasure. Just like my father did.
I remember when my mother first took me to church. This was, of course, a Southern Baptist church, and they were having a revival. They had a couple who were from the Philippines. They were missionaries to the United States, and preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to us poor lost souls in America. My mother full expected me to "get saved" as result of hearing this message.
They told me the good news: I was a sinner. I needed to die to myself. If I would receive Jesus Christ, then the person I was would die, and Jesus would be born anew inside of me. Then He would live out his life through me.
I said: "Screw that! I don't want to die! I want to live my life! I want to be myself, not this Jesus guy!"
This was, of course, the self inside of me, crying out for its own way. This was step one in the spiritual journey. I lived as a young man in a state of complete carnality, following in my father's footsteps so to speak. I lived entirely for myself. Since I had been endowed with significant intellectual gifts, I exploited those to my advantage.
I attended Duke University where I was lonely and depressed for the first time in my life. At that point, I encountered the practice of Transcendental Meditation, as taught by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Seeking for some measure of peace, I did become initiated into the practice of TM, receiving my mantra. My family reacted with total disdain. I was the object of ridicule and scorn as result of this decision. That experience did have an effect on my though. I found meditation to be very relaxing and peaceful. Nonetheless, I stopped meditating regularly, although I continued to do so occasionally for the rest of my life.
My first marriage resulted in a child who was diagnosed as autistic when she was four years old. That was the first hit to my carnal self's hard shell. Partly as a result of the influence of my first wife, I began to attend the Anglican church. I was still completely selfish, though. I simply wanted to find a way to stop my pain, but I did not know of anything outside myself to help me do so. For me, the church was just a social club.
The pain I felt about my daughter's condition was overwhelming though, and I began to break down. I had several near nervous breakdown experiences, and eventually my marriage failed. During this time, I encountered the practice of self-hypnosis and biofeedback, which I incorporated into my life. This was a result of receiving training in pain management at a major teaching hospital in Dallas, Texas. I began to use self-hypnosis to help with my emotional pain, sleep, and the like. Again, I began having transcendent spiritual experiences. One night, when I was completely unable to sleep, I went into a hypnotic meditative state where I remained all night. The next day, although I had had no sleep at all, I was amazingly aware. It was like reality was a sparkling liquid that I was swimming in.
After I remarried and moved to Lockhart, Texas, I had two shocks very quickly: My sister committed suicide, and I was fired from my job. These events happened within the same week. That was a pretty rough week I can tell you. The loss of my sister, the member of my family that I was most close to, was mixed with guilt over what I could have done to help with her situation, anger at her for her violent, self-destructive decision, anger at my father who I judged to be responsible for her death, and many other emotions. My being fired was a result of my own arrogance and stupidity. That was a major humbling experience. The effect of these events was to weaken my self and make me more open to spiritual influences.
That came shortly thereafter when I was hired by Delhi Pipeline in Dallas, Texas. A man named Frank Allen spoke at a company event I attended. He gave his testimony concerning Jesus Christ before his discussion of natural gas regulation. I was completely offended.
Two days later, Frank invited me into his office and challenged me to an intellectual game. His invitation was simple: "Now Jeff, you are smarter than I am. I know that and you know that. But, I can beat you."
He had me.
Over the next few months, Frank and I spent a lot of time together. He had me examine the Bible. He asked me challenging questions and I searched for the answers. Frank had launched me on a spiritual quest.
In my next post I will explain the next step in my spiritual journey, and where that led me.
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